The phrase don’t judge a book by it cover made me read books that had the dullest covers or none at all.I badly needed to stand out,I wanted to be heard. I wanted to read the newspaper ahead of my sisters and carefully dissect every story and detail. Much later when any of them talked about a story they had read I would also mention something I was certain none of them had read.,obituary maybe or a strange notice at the far end of a page. I have such an eye for detail and was willing to argue even when I shouldn’t. All this was in an attempt to be heard.
This happens to kids born in the middle. You’re neither the eldest child,the eldest daughter nor the youngest. You are constantly tasked to get something to identify with in the family without looking all needy and desperate. The last thing you want is to be overlooked as a young girl among other girls. The comparison in any way possible is even worse.My insatiable appetite for books became a good companion. This translated to good grades which sadly weren’t good enough. At school I didn’t want the popular,rich or good looking kids to ever beat me. I wasn’t any of that to add on no ones favourite so the least I could do was be the best if not then among them .I would be proud to carry home a pretty cup I had been awarded when schools close but hardly ever drank from it. I learnt how to live with it because where I come from parents are always right. Every time I saw a kid who was smart in class in the lower classes I would imagine they wanted to buy their parents love and I judged them . I never knew that this was an unhealed part of me and now that I am of good age I struggle once in a good while to please my parents but the will is not as strong.I learnt how not to cry and show,how to smile and seeth but most of all I know how to run and hide when it doesn’t feel right. I joked to someone recently that I am an open book written in codes you don’t understand .

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