In the last couple of weeks I have had my esteem tossed and turned. It’s beginning to sound a lot like 2019. First it was the industrial attachment issue.,I don’t understand why a company would turn down a willing,vibrant and fresh pair of helping hand. The whole fracas of interview, dress code and strict code of conduct to an employee you will not be paying is uncalled for. They give you a taste of what after school feel like if you devote fully to the system. All systems are bound to experience some jamming and the tarmacking for attachment is just a pinch from the main heap. Don’t get me wrong though I still keep keys which have long outlived there purposes. Keys to padlocks that don’t exist. Maybe one of them could unlock the mystery door that education is. Just maybe.

I have had my eyes on several prospects,from news agencies to radio and TV station to corporate organizations. To no avail because I am not well connected.,very sad. The few that offer to help and sound kind of genuine have a catch to it. As always the name of the game is expectation. Small village girl who wants to take the world by its lapels.

Away from the attachment fuss solidly stand the love of my life,basketball. You see that thing you love,you’ve given it so much power. Power to move,power to hurt too. I just said it,hurt, the most fluent emotion. After a week and a half of serious training at the basketball camp,there’s the icing serving. The big girls are headed to a camp in a resort close to the beach, away from town and yes there’s a little pocket money. AAll this perks your girl is left out just because..

It triggered thought of the things I have been losing in the recent past provoking a sense of not good enough. A voice of despair whispers not good enough..I sleep on it.

Then I remember we lose to gain but this girl Vivian loses good things for way better ones. Staying hopeful all day.

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