Of chances and choices

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

I am an athlete with physical strengths that put me on the scale and sometimes scale me to heights I could only imagine stepping into. Needless say,I am have been chanced with spots I warranted myself very undeserving. Before anyone tries to tap my back and cuss what looks like self sabotage,let me put it to perspective. I am a towering 6ft tall elevated view from the ground. My palms are God’s personal message that I have it all in my hands. Naturally I am powered above an average lady of my age and my strides, God lord my strides…

Now that the self appraisal is at par with initial complaint,let me fill you up with how this week has been. I could trace to the month as well. Love of my life visited me on April fools day and we did have a time of our lives. He left over the weekend and that’s where all these leads to.

Sunday sermon was on timing. Vicar explained tenderly how we could masquerade all we want about going with the flow but a time will come when we’ve got to make a decision that could potentially change the rest of your life. It could be as remotely tragic as,none of previous decisions really matter and you can’t come back from it( reads regret) or sounding like one of those check yes or no that lead to something beautiful. What’s more some of those life changing decisions may not really sound hard but some where in the tracks you realize that it was your Eureka. Oh and yes you could miss it too.

This are the sermons ideal for marital counseling and NYE. When the ink is fresh on resolutions and the mind is playing poker on you that you could move different with the same old wheels you know.

Come Monday,my league(job) is on recess so my teammate who contrary to me has had an impeccable half season travels home. Comparison is a killer of joy but you can stay around it so much and numb how the effect feels. I saw my girl off because I kind of know my way around town and what better way to come back home than in a simple jog? I did not care to check the kilometers or mind the route I’d take but the risk was too enticing to shake off. After biding her I embark on my adventure and as a former track babe I thought the road would be easy on me.  Well after about three kilometers,my calf caught a cramp. It was a way of my body telling me to stop or it will. It did. I heard. I took a bike home for the rest of the journey feeling like a certified joker and borderline failure.  Then hit the gym.

The rest of the week fell easy on routine and I flowed with it. I have been considering my next in a long time. Beyond simplicities of next meal,game,workout,man😜etc.  That last one is a danger zone,my current is my last please. I had a tv interview and when asked what I want to do next,I couldn’t find words.

Thing is,you never realize the damage of a hit until when you’re well. I have been in this downward spiral that made me question why I am where I am and where I really am. I saw myself on the mirror and wondered where the hell have I been. So to answer the prompt,I don’t know where I want to be in 10 years or where I’ll see myself at. Grace. I just got here.

Prename

What is one word that describes you?

My name is Viv,I identify as a lover girl. I embody love,I share it,I carry it with me,I love it,let’s just say I am it. Yes you are right to think who the hell does she think she is, lovely I’d say. It is clustered with other accompaniments like intentional,kind,considerate. Basically you could call me a goddess and you won’t be wrong.

What was the best compliment you’ve received?

I sat for a moment to figure out what could top as The comment and a befitting title there of. I could not narrow down to one. There’s two true to this,and I can be true to two. See what I did there.

When I get complimented about looks, dressing,hair or body,I easily shush it away.  That’s opinion. It could be a variable. But this one constant…

A fine Friday,my old man called to check on me. He does that often and random. I fill him up on deets of my day and because it had been a heavy one. He told me of how as a young girl I loved accolades. I loved being appreciated. I didn’t do obvious things to earn the thumbs up,but when I did,I’d be upset if it wasn’t forthcoming.  His tales were far-fetched and while he narrated I was waiting for the catch. The direction didn’t spell a clear picture of the destination.

He didn’t conclude or point me to his motive. But it made me identify that that small girl never moved out of home,reads me. I still love being seen,heard and felt.

One of my top hobbies is cooking. I have good hands on food and I love processes. It hasn’t always been it. This is one of those hobbies I picked up in my adult journey. If I enjoy a meal, a dish I must know how to make it. I have cooked for most of my friends. Some even coerce me to visit their towns and cook them their favorite meal. At my mom’s,the minute I step in she hands over her fires and pots.

I don’t say this enough,I put my heart on my sleeves. I could say Midas touch ah well I have already said😂. In all this I still feel  I haven’t captured well enough how good a cook yours  truly is.

Through the years I have been complemented on the same in special ways but one has really stole my heart. My exboyfriend texted me and told me to tell the people I cook for now not to take the timely warm meals for granted. He said he’s missed my pancakes,wheat cuisines, stews. I smiled ear to ear.  Smiles are the biggest appreciation I get, genuine and raw.

I am planning to make eggstew tonight. Yet another evening of; what did you use,what did you add?

Didn’t we almost have it all?

What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings?

I am the fraction of humans who would pride themselves in being obtuse. My super power is being on top of my shit. I so much wish this lasted a long time,or my whole life. During this golden age of my existence,nothing negative sat with me long enough. No idea,opinion name them ever permeated me deep enough. I rose above every of those thoughts and feels.

One time not long ago I met a sad me. She was curled up inside me mazing at the nerve of the visible me to afford a smile amidst such a tumultuous storm. I tried to go home to self in familiar places, familiar pleasures. I took tonnes of icecream,chicken in different cuisines,cleaned up good and played dress up,shopped for pleasantries; nothing.

I have a feeling I would have borne it bravely had it not been for the multiple accounts of how much weight I had lost. To put this to perspective,I am an athlete and former model so you know things body image are really my cup of tea on a chilly day.  I found myself stepping on the scale one two many times to gape at the nett all of me weighs. I questioned everything from my training habit,sleeping pattern,partner, everything in between was also put on scales.

When  I could not self diagnose,I brought myself to slow down on everything but diet from exertion at practice,thoughts and worries. Shortly after,Vivs clinic of soul treats unearthed the joker in the decks. I was so glad it wasn’t an ailment. I was having a slump and hoarding harsh words from people I work for and with.

Now I can confidently say I know how to deal with negative feelings: live through it. Unless you have a tentative pathway to pursue to happiness and fulfilment,live. After all positivity is a choice and a never ending journey not a destination you can arrive at.

Sucker for love

What movies or TV series have you watched more than 5 times?

I have always been a huge fan of familiarity as far as plots of movies go. There is a special place within me that delights in seeing events unfold how I know they will. The thrill will still be there,not as deep but thrill is thrill. I saw someone call this some psychology term which I detested and disagreed with. It made me,for a brief moment disregard psychology as the imperfect science that pigeonholes people’s personas.

When I first watched Sarafina,a South African film telling the side of history not deeply documented I was enthralled. The plot is delicate and crisp. Over the years I go back to it and dissect through arguments,sing along the songs word for word and smile at the beauty of dances I haven’t been able to mimick all this time.

Knowing actors in person usually kills my hunger for stories on film. This particular favorite I have guarded myself from information about the actors and actresses. That is the only way to keep my thrill alive.

I tell people that all my life(less that three decades now) I have watched movies lesser than my years. The movies that I enjoyed, I have gone back to them for references and clarity of certain scenes which a junior brains could not warp around. These include Norbit and Deliver us from Eva. Monologues that I consider resourceful have been sourced and duly kept.

In all this I can not stress enough that the facade of love I saw in these movies, as a little girl was a thing of beauty. Still is. Love and basketball is also a contender in this.

Sign up a saint

Describe a positive thing a family member has done for you.

My old man sure is a saint. I talk about him everyday with every chance that I get. I am not overdoing it,his finger prints are all over in my life. I could have a problem picking out just when,but let’s try …

I love basketball and most days it’s all I have. At the height of the pandemic,when the walls of the world crept in on me, threatening my sanity,he outdid himself. See I don’t fancy myself an elite in this sport that I love. But my old man could draft me to the WNBA in the first round. Whenever I wanna stop playing,I am reminded of the belief he’s vested on me.

I see I have digressed,so back to the pandemic days. My schedule was rigid.,books,kitchen,sleep,repeat. He noticed that and reached out to save me. That rim and ball were very special to me. I perfected my left lays and got me a very fluid jumper. Sign up a saint 🌺